Proverbs - Wisdom for anger and forgiveness

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Thank you Shirley. I appreciate that. We're back in the land of the living. Today we've been out bush these a few days this last week. It's cotton picking time and it's also always said to our daughter as honey-in-law that when it's cotton picking, which is very labour intensive when I retire, we'll come and give you a hand. So we've been expecting a call for the last few weeks and it came Wednesday morning. We were out, oh come on out. So home, pack, lunch on the way out and then we get stuck straight into it. So Anne has to prepare a meal for the family and workers. So 11 people, some eating around the table, some had to be putting containers taken out to the workers because they just keep working till the dew comes down. So that can be as late as midnight. I was sitting on the tractor with my daughter just observing and the Wednesday, Thursday morning with Sonny-in-law getting lessons on how to drive this tractor. I've never driven a vehicle before with 16 gears and that's just the forward ones. I know that's chicken feed to some of you driven heavy machinery but for me who, my bicycle, Sturmy Archie, you know had three gears I think. Some of you don't even know what I'm talking about but anyway had at least a couple of reverse gears. I don't know, don't worry about reverse but rows of cotton four kilometres long and learning how to go out to fuel the vehicles. Make sure the fuel goes in the right tank because some of them have three tanks and they get upset if the fuel goes in the wrong tank apparently. Don't know why, it's a bonus, I would have thought but anyway learning how to tie down the tarps with a special knot. Modules of cotton which they build like a container, bigger shipping container, hold 10 tonnes of cotton and so special tie downs for all of that. So I got my L plates on this tractor and then I was just on my peas and it started to rain and so we came home a bit early but we're going out there again this week to sometime this week because you can't pick cotton when it's wet and plus the ground is too wet for the machinery to get on there. So once that dries out we're out and so I might pray for the cotton and the farmers out there letting me loose with the 16 gear tractor and just think of how I could spin those wheels. No it's not quite like that you climb up a ladder into the tractor it's at least air conditioned so that's one of the pusses. Well we're looking at this topic of anger today. I wasn't around when this was discussed and so I did not choose this topic. I can just imagine it was Dave and Dylan who sat down and worked out all these topics in proverbs and they get this topic of anger and they can just hear the conversation saying oh do you want to preach about anger? No. What about you? No I don't want to hear. Who could we get to preach about anger? Alan Grieve. Oh no Alan he's just too kind to preach about anger. What about later? Since he's retired he's becoming a grumpy old man. He's the man and so guess what I ended up with this topic of anger. My understanding is is that how it went Dylan? Pretty close. If my understanding is correct I reckon probably around about 100% of us struggle with anger from time to time. Would that be fairly accurate? And some people who say they don't ever get angry think oh I'm not sure about that especially if they're married. If a couple say who are married say they've never had a fight I think well one of two things either they're telling me fibs or one of them so much under the thumb that they're not game to disagree. In fact years and years ago I read a book on marriage and this guy said that when people come to him a couple come to him and ask him to marry them he would one of the first questions he'd say is have you had a fight yet and if he said if they said no he'd say we'll go away and have a fight and then come back and ask me to marry you because it's not so much the issue of having a fight but the ability to work through it and to make up and to come out the other side. And so anger I don't know what you think but it just seems to me that in our society today this is just my view and observation because I think our society is getting more and more angry. There's some big issues around at the moment which result or indicators of anger. A big one of course is domestic violence. Both parties in the lead up to the election next week or the end of this week would ever is talking about spending millions and millions of dollars to address this whole area of domestic violence. Exactly where it's going to be spent how it's going to be spent I don't know they have people who are far more expert than I am in working out these things it's too complex for me but that is one of the issues I guess another issue where we see anger is raid rage. You think you think that too sometimes raid rage really sort of you know you hear about it some of the things that happen and I guess another area where we hear about anger is in this whole area of crime and particularly youth crime is where we're hearing a lot about it in society today. So there are three big areas but of course we can get angry about a whole range of things and you'll get angry about some things which I won't and vice versa as well and so it's important that we understand something about anger but we are looking at this area of anger in the book of Proverbs and we're getting close to the end of the end of the thing on Proverbs it's series on Proverbs and so it's just I just want to do like a three minute or two minute recap of where Proverbs fits. You're aware that the Bible is not one book but how many books 66 books and the 66 books that are divided into two groups it's divided into what? Old Testament and New Testament. In the New Testament there are how many books? 27 and in the Old Testament 39 and there's that further break dance which take place and the book of Proverbs it's right in the middle of a group of books which are called the Wisdom Book so there are five books which Job Psalms Proverbs Ecclesiastes song of Solomon and so just very quickly is that Job whole theme about Job is trusting God whatever if you know the story of Job lots of terrible things happened with him but there's one verse which stands out to me when it says this in Job 1315 God might even kill me but I have no other hope even though he slay me yet I will hope in him so no matter whatever happens this book of wisdom this wisdom book of Job is saying to trust God then there's Psalms which Psalms is worshiping God whatever we only ever sing nice hymns and Psalms but there are some Psalms which encourage God or asking God to break the teeth of my enemies we didn't have any of those this morning Jason I'm not sure why we missed out on singing that one because we don't have enemies like that where we'd want that to occur but worshiping God whatever and so like Psalm 95-6 it could have had any one of a few hundred here but come let us bow let us worship and bow down let us kneel before the Lord our maker and then there's Proverbs come back to and Ecclesiastes is this whole book about living in the complex world and a lot of the book of Proverbs saying what's this life all about and then right at the end the righteousness is the conclusion when all has been heard is fear God and keep his commandments because this applies to every person for God will bring every act to judgment whether everything which is hidden whether it is good or evil so in this complex world obey God and then there's this song of Solomon it's husband and wife relationships but it's also human God relationships about loving God deeply and song of Solomon 2.16 says my beloved is mine and I am his who remembers singing that chorus my beloved is mine I can see everybody who's over the age of old it's in the brown book wasn't it remember the brown book then the blue book then the yellow book my beloved is mine and I am his banner over me his love but then this Proverbs book of Proverbs is what we've been looking at where it's this practical instruction for everyday living if you want to make a real impact in society two things you need is one is knowledge and the other is wisdom you have knowledge you have wisdom you can stand head and shoulders above most people in in society today so Proverbs 1 says Proverbs 1 7 says the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge and Proverbs 9 10 says the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom so knowledge and wisdom coming together is this whole area of this is how we stand head and shoulders above most people knowledge and wisdom beginning or founded or grounded in the fear of the Lord and we've looked at what that means previously but today we're looking at this whole area of of of anger and as you saw in the title also forgiveness but I'm going to spend like maybe two or three minutes on forgiveness because I'm not sure why those two topics together because they're quite can be quite separate and I think forgiveness is a topic which can be handled like like all on its own it's it's a very deep and it can be a very complex thing so maybe Doug somewhere down the line might have us to do something like that now I need three volunteers because I'm going to try to picture our something what anger is like and then I'm going to come back and have a look at these few statements up here so I need a couple of about three volunteers I was thinking Eli might be a good bloke to come on up can we can we unhook one of these chairs you've got the easy party like a pure thanks mate Eli can just sit there for a while and you don't have to do anything perhaps it's just that when we're talking about anger mostly anger is against somebody and here's my I'm not going to be angry with Eli he's he's too nice to be angry about but just to pretend now I need two more volunteers Stephen who do you think might be good why not both of you can come up both of you one on each end of the rope no don't don't need chairs no just and just on the other end you can actually stay down here Stephen and just grab that end of the rope you can grab that end of the rope too you know I said you didn't have to do anything what are you like at skipping just kitty I'm not going to do skipping at all just just hold a bit tighter what I want is to try to picture is this is that you know how sometimes we talk about anger we have all sorts of patience but then something happens which what pushes us over the edge you understand what I'm talking about it's the straw that breaks the camel's back it's something which I'm all right up until this time but then something happens and I'm just pushed over the edge and then I'm angry about something and so this is what we're trying to picture here am I I'm angry at Eli of course I'm not but just for the purpose of it he probably it doesn't matter anyway and so this is this is our cliff edge is it we're or whatever and what we think about when we're thinking about anger is that where this cliff edge varies with us from time to time and depending what the issue is so if you come back up here guys just bring the rope back up this way so on some things I I I have a very short fuse on we're talking about road rage and I'm not into road rage but I tell you what there are some things that some drivers do which really get under my skin is that happened for you too am I the only one especially one thing it gets me is that when cars scoot up the side and then cut in things like that and so if that happens too much for me then then I'm I'm I'm over the edge fairly quickly but there are other things like take it back the other way right back down near there where other things even a bit further I reckon there's other things in my life where the edges a long way away oh sorry about that how I'm thinking of these muses that they leave this stuff everywhere so for example like I mentioned I mentioned domestic violence do Anne and I ever have a disagreement we've been married like nearly 49 years this coming week but but yeah sometimes we do have disagreements but we have never ever got physical in anger towards one another and so when it comes to things like that I have a very long fuse it's going to take a real lot to get me worked up to once where we have an argument but also it pushes me over the edge now you're getting the picture of what I'm saying is that for different ones of us out this being pushed over the edge depending on what the issue is can vary for some we have a very long fuse but for others come up this way guys but for others on some issues we can have a very short fuse it's not only what the issue is it can also be my frame of mind as well I am dead tired how long or how short is my fuse would you agree it's very short you push me and I'm dead tired and you look at me sideways or whatever I'm gonna I'm gonna really flare up so if I'm tired for some people when they're hungry some people and they've had a really rough day they've just been pushed you know if you've got kids and those kids sort of egg you on a bit and so by the end of the day if your kids do one more thing and we're going to explode but there can be other things as well like adrenaline if you notice about sportsmen or women that when the adrenaline is flowing it doesn't take much for them to well we used to have the you know the buffet but that's been outlawed these days and do other things and so we had this whole area of where of where sometimes my fuse can be very short but sometimes if I'm well rested if I'm well rested and whatever I can cope with things a whole lot easier so depending what the issue is depending on my frame of mind is going to demonstrate or going to result in how I'm going to express my anger now there's one other thing I want to say and just you guys can go sit down now you did a fantastic job thank you you could go too Eli thanks yeah if I had a chocolate I'd give it to you but I don't um but there's one other thing remember if Eli was still here there's a line here and there's a place in life where it's okay to be angry okay because not all anger is bad I didn't count up I'm depending upon others and I thought boy it seems an awful lot but the Bible talks about over 350 times about God being angry I first read that I thought that can't be right looked at a few other sources they're saying much the same so take their word for it so God can be angry but not sin and so there is a place where there is this constant for God and God's cliff as it were where it's pushing is not going to move one way or the other but it is there and it is rock solid and so there is this encouragement to us in the Bible and it comes out in several places and in Proverbs where it says it's okay to be angry but be angry about the right things in the right time in the right place be angry but do not sin and so not all anger is wrong but let's be honest a lot of the anger which you and I express is not a godly anger which has to do with truth righteousness and justice but has more to say and to do about ourselves and so what's anger anger is this passionate response we're a line that's our line that we're talking about whether appropriate or inappropriate is crossed so it's appropriate when it's God's line it's inappropriate when it's our line and it's a passionate response and when we think about it just about everything I'm going to say today is going to be useless in the majority of times for you why is that because anger is a passion and it just sort of bursts out and rarely is it a considered response rarely do we say oh I think I might well will I away do I get angry and how I express that it just bursts out that's the passion of it and so anger can be that is this passion is this passionate response where it's either appropriate or inappropriate also need to acknowledge that anger is a God given emotion so it's something which God has given us and we need to acknowledge that Bible mentions God's anger anger is powerful and it can be used or abused that's like a lot of things if we can use anger in the right way it can spur us on in promoting truth righteousness and justice Bible says Ephesians 4 26 be angry but do not sin and so there's this idea of this stages of anger these are my stages they probably add other things into it where it's irritation to frustration to anger to rage or retreat and and wrath anger is not always an outward expression of bursting out sometimes it can be rage but sometimes it can be retreat as well I'm angry and I withdraw husbands and wives can do that sort of thing but it's not only there can happen in other places as well I can't remember who it was in a cricket match years ago against Australia I think it was other Pakistan or India where they were in the field and they got upset with the Australians got so upset with decisions which are being made whatever captain got the team and they walked off the field some of you might remember that and so there's no punching or throwing whatever but there's this whole area of withdrawing and so that can also happen in that way as well which can also happen in the workplace other places as well where we withdraw and the Roth is the Bible talks about Roth in such a way as that Roth is is an anger which is sustained and ongoing for an extended period of time I might get angry with Eli and we sorted out and that's that's over and done with but if there's a Roth there that's going to last it's going to eat and eat away and it's going to do whatever I can it's going to go on and on and on so the question is at what stage does sin occur if it's in not righteous sort of anger and we're going to have a look at that in a while as well it's also we're talking about our own anger but also Proverbs 15 one also talks about and says that but a harsh word can stir up anger so we are not going to dwell too much on this we're going to talk about by anger so much or more say today but we also want to acknowledge that there can be something about me where I can provoke others to anger as well and so we need to be aware of that and just to to focus on that for a while what is it that I do in my life that make others particularly those close to me what is it that I do in my life that makes make can make others angry colleague of mine a few years ago did this course about dealing with difficult people so whole courses how do you deal with difficult people and it tells me that the opening exercise was this what is it about you that makes you a difficult person now that is a searching type of a question to ask what is it about you what is it about me about my nature about my character about the words that I use the exercise I take whatever that I can make others angry and we need to consider that as as part of all of this so when we're looking at anger we're going to have to be very very quickly through all of this is this is that we are going to be looking at a few things about anger very quickly and we're going to be looking at five different things when we're looking at anger looking around looking looking back looking ahead and looking up so the first one we want to have a look at is this is this whole idea of looking around do you are you the idea that inclined that when something's go wrong that's not your fault that's by someone else and it's always somebody else to buy and this is what they're looking around it's all about is that sometimes when I'm angry is that we need to somehow sometimes our tendency is to blame others your you or what you have done or what you've said has made me angry and we need to remember I am angry because I am angry that's been my response I'm responsible for my anger so Proverbs 14 and verse 14 17 says short-tempered people do foolish things and so so there can be this whole area of blaming others can I say this too is that when we are engaged in this anger relationship or response whatever you would call it reaction is that when we're wanting to address it always remember this is to focus on the issue not on the person and that's particularly helpful or particularly necessary for husbands and wives is that when you have a disagreement remember that it is not husband versus wife and wife versus husband but husband and wife together against the issue and together we will address the issue and we'll focus on the issue and say how will we address this issue together if you're able to do that you're well on the way to a good long successful and happy marriage that's not only in that circumstance but in every circumstance we need to not put the blame out there but to accept responsibility for my own action and then when I am wanting to deal with it don't focus on the other person say what a dirty rotten whatever you are but what is the issue and how do we address the issue so looking at anger looking around secondly we want to be looking in when looking in at my anger so Proverbs 29 22 says this an angry person starts a fight a hot-tempered person commits all kinds of sin so to be aware of that that I'm responsible for this and why am I angry remember that continuum that I said about from irritation through to Roth and I said what is it what point does this become sinful Matthew 5 22 has some disturbing words for us but it says this but I tell you Jesus said this I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment so right at the beginning and if you read that that in context all that Jesus is saying there in that part of the semen on the mount is this they said it's not so much the outward act which God is looking at but he's looking at the you know the motivation of what what happens where does it start and Jesus is saying here is saying in Matthew 5 right at the beginning at the core at the center the motivation when that is there the motivation is wrong that's when the sin occurs not when just in the outward expression of it so it's helpful for us to be thinking about looking at anger what is it that makes me angry and why what are the times when I've got angry and you can't do this in the moment heat of the moment but somewhere it's calm just to pull aside and to say look back over your life and say when I've been angry what are some times I've been angry and is there a common threat through there that that keeps coming up and when this occurs then this makes me angry let me suggest that one of the most common ones is the area of control is that when I lose control of a situation then I'm going to be angry and and we like to be in control had a colleague once who is very very hamstrung in his relationships because his sense of control to the point where I had to call him in and to address this issue of control and actually had to send him off to some specialist help from counsel to deal with his control why is he this controlling person and then when I pointed this out about his answer to control was to control his control you see it just didn't work that way had to get to the heart of the matter to the to the seat of what is this all about to deal with that and to relax in that so what is the need for you to control what's the need for you to control your spouse what's the need for you to control your kids I mean sometimes especially kids you know responsible parenting to a degree but what is it in a relationship with the work colleague or whoever in the church a ministry colleague where we sense this need to control remember what Jesus said or what Paul said in Philippians about Jesus that he emptied himself made himself of no reputation that if ever there was somebody who could be in control he's happy to relax and leave it all to the father so what is it that makes me angry why and then how do I react or respond to that so looking at anger looking around looking back looking in looking back what do I notice and learn from the past when you've been angry how have you responded what can you learn from that you know one of the things is is that we can sometimes express anger because we don't know how to express our emotions and feelings correctly and often that's that being the case because the models which we've been exposed to have been not good models so we've had an angry father or an angry mother and who haven't handled situations too well and their controlling things was to express anger that's all I've known and so when it comes to me when I'm in a situation I don't know how to how to deal with that other than to get angry and so sometimes in looking back we can see what models have I been exposed to and sometimes it's a case of unlearning unlearning wrong models and having to relearn right models so we've been looking looking around looking in looking back and looking ahead this is an important one for us as they all are what is the outcome of my anger proverbs 14 29 says people with understanding control their anger and a hot temper shows great foolishness if I get angry what's the outcome of this going to be proverbs 15 18 a hot tempered person starts a fight a cool tempered person stops them proverbs 29 22 says an angry person starts fights a hot tempered person commits all kinds of sin to see the repetition that's coming through in those three different proverbs there is that we need to consider what's the outcome of my anger so if I can address my issues with Eli appropriately we say this is the issue let's deal with that sorted out that's fine but what if I get angry with him then we've taken our eyes off the issue and we've damaged a relationship and sometimes I can say things or do things to a person say things about a person and once something has said man it's hard to it's impossible to unsay them because especially if they're difficult things that we've said wrong things even though the person might forgive in their mind as they keep hearing the things that have been said but the last one is the important one is this is that we need to be looking up as well we need to just acknowledge this one and to say be angry at what makes God angry so that's important be angry at what makes God angry but we also just need to be thinking about some of the things about my wrong anger one thing we need to ask ourselves is that if we have anger but we're willing to change some people don't want to change but they find security and they're happy in their anger and but most people I think would be willing to change but if you aren't willing to change about your anger are you willing to be made willing is an important step to make another thing I'd say is this is that if you're in a relationship or in in a situation where your anger is really out of control then you really do need to seek help it is more than likely something that you cannot deal with on your own you know we've talked about all sorts of anger about domestic violence and road rage and other things that make us angry can I say this I do not know if anybody in our church who has an anger issue but let's not be surprised if there are people in our church with anger issues because I'm not aware of anybody I feel free to say whatever because I'm not pointing the finger at any individual here but if anger is an issue in any of these areas or just in the whole of your life then it is highly unlikely that you on your own are going to be able to deal with it and it's important that you do seek help from someone else now that might be the person who's discipling you it might just be an irritation say look I just get irritable and just want to deal with that we have helped me and all of that or it might be somewhere down the scale a bit further where it is such a serious nature where you need professional help then I encourage I urge you I plead with you that if you're in that situation that you actually seek help the office has a list of Christian counselors psychologists therapists who if you contact the office they'll be able to give you that list or through the pastors they'll be able to give you a contact if somebody who'll help you to discover why is it that anger is an issue for you I also want to remember this you remember for you to remember this is that God is in the people changing business what business are you in well you could be in any sort of business but God is in the people changing business and reconciling people to himself and then not only reconciling but transforming people said before about an instant years ago where I was called into a church to deal with a fight and one of the men stood up and said ah we're Germans here and this is what us Germans are like is that we like to have a good fight and and to be angry and as a young person then stood up with all the courage I could must have said half my blood is German blood but the moment I gave my life to Jesus all that excuse was done away with because the Holy Spirit came in and dwelt me and wants to do this transforming work in my life and so if today you're saying ah that's just me I'm an angry person rubbish you may be an angry person but that's no reason for you to stay that way because God is in the people changing business and he wants to do this transforming work in your life either directly or through other people in whatever way possible so there's hope for the way ahead as well and there will be times when we relapse all of us roughly 100 percent of us will still get angry the old nature sort of still stirs up a bit and so that happens we get angry so what do we do then confess I'm angry we repeat we count on God and if it's toward someone else we ask forgiveness as well so that's anger that give you some things to think about to work through and remember the topic is not just about anger but about forgiveness I just want to share one verse about forgiveness from Proverbs and then one very brief story and on through and the one verse is from Proverbs 17 9 love prospers when a fault is forgiven love prospers when a fault is forgiven that dwelling on it separates close friends that's a sermon in itself don't you think and we need to be thinking about that years and years ago I was talking with a woman none of you would know her as far as I know not connected with the church not even in this area but that particular stage she said to me that she'd be married 30 something years and she said you know in this whole 30 years and with this tone of pride in her life in her tone of voice she said all these 30 something years of marriage I have never once apologized to my husband so sad that you've never apologized have never asked forgiveness that's a recipe for disaster that separates close friends the fact that the husband has stayed there for that many years has attested me to something in all of that fake if you are like that today that you've never apologized and never said sorry to your spouse or to your parents or to your kids then go home and I urge you to say sorry for not saying sorry okay say sorry for not saying sorry because none of us whether it be me or you or whoever you relate to none of us are perfect and especially to marriage perhaps the most common phrase we ought to be saying is I love you but somewhere up there with this whole group of other things we ought to be saying regularly to each other's what I was wrong I'm sorry well if you didn't get anything out of anger maybe out of forgiveness and saying sorry let's pray apologies to the music team for disrupting everything hope you can find your stands and whatever else and don't you pay for the rape father you looked at sin and yeah got you angry so angry that out of love your bible tells you love the world so much that you sent your only son to deal with the sin not focusing on us as people but on the issue of sin to offer us forgiveness to that we might become your children your sons and your daughters and we're so glad that we are your children today as your children we also acknowledge that we sit together with brothers and sisters who sometimes rub us up the wrong way and sometimes that's in the family sometimes in the church family sometimes at work or in the neighborhood school work wherever but Lord help us to be people who seeking to be more and more like the Lord Jesus who pictured for us in such a perfect way of being angry but sinning long to help us to live that life help us to live lives ready to forgive others and they seek it and to live in peace and harmony with those around about us to bring glory and honor to you our risen Lord Jesus. Amen.